54 Fool Proof & Funny Ways to Annoy Edward Cullen
by VMG-OBSESSIONS
Summary: Bored? Well, follow this list, and you will be too busy running for your lives and laughing to death to notice. Ever Wonder how to annoy the famous Edward Cullen himself? Well, read and find out! One-Shot


fool-proof ways to Piss off Edward Cullen

Give Bella as a birthday present to Aro

Tie die his hair

Sing 7 things I hate about you in your head at all times

Trade seven things with vampires, fangs, Bella, blood, mountain lions, Volvos, and mind-readers

Trade in his Volvo for a punch buggy and paint it like a lady bug

Force him to drive said car to school every day

tell him that Alice had a vision of Bella eloping with Jacob

blind fold him, and make Jacob kiss him

have a movie night every night with movies like Hannah Montana and Barbie

have Jacob propose to Nessie at her 4th birthday party

have Bella shield Emmett, Alice, and Rosalie, and then have them laugh pointedly every time he stares in their direction

have Bella tie him to a chair in front of his piano, then attach a pole to said piano, and make Emmett dance on it

cover all of his belongings with flavored blood (can be any kind of flavored blood)

take Nessie gambling in Vegas, where random drunk guys hit on her

don't forget to run for your life

"accidently" push him into a pool of honey, then dump feathers on him

Then cover him in chicken blood, and see if any of the vampires lick it off

Challenge him to truth or dare

Make the dares all vulgar, so that he won't do them

Have the consequences include doing the electric slide in front of the high school principal, while wearing a short, sparkly, pink dress, with 7 inch heels-don't forget the electric blue wig

Blackmail him into shopping with Alice all day

Have Alice only shop with him at lingerie stores, and constantly ask his opinion in front of everyone in the store

Switch all of his clothes with animal costumes that you force him to wear to school

Make him drive to school in a car shaped like a barn while wearing said costumes

Hide Bella inside a giant pumpkin patch, while surrounded by other pumpkins

Force Edward to eat all the pumpkins he can, before telling him where Bella is

After Jacob finally is engaged to Nessie, ask Edward-"Won't it be cool to have a dog as a son-in-law?"

"Then say, "I hear that they can do all kinds of tricks."

Give his Vanquish a paint job-keep the color, but add hot pink pokka dots.

Make his license plates read-hot vampire here

Bedazzle his favorite jacket, but have him put it on in a way that he won't know

Wait til lunch at school to tell him

Then run out of the cafeteria-faking a "killer" headache

Trick him into going to a strip club

While there, have one of the strippers kiss him

Tell Bella with a camera on hand

Record her following argument with Edward

Make jasper have Edward feel lust towards Emmett

Then point the lust ate Emmett

Record when they move into a passionate embrace

Make sure Rosalie and Bella see

Tell the school that Emmett and Edward are in love and gay

Flee planet earth

Have Tanya come over for the weekend

Make sure she only thinks about getting in his pants the entire visit

Have a karaoke night

Make Edward sing- **I'm Too Sexy **

I'm Too Sexy  
Right Said Fred

I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me

I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt  
So sexy it hurts  
And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan  
New York and Japan

And I'm too sexy for your party  
Too sexy for your party  
No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I do my little turn on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car  
Too sexy by far  
And I'm too sexy for my hat  
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that

I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my

'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk  
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah  
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat  
Poor pussy poor pussy cat  
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love  
Love's going to leave me

And I'm too sexy for this song

Record and post on you tube

Set up an IM chat with the Cullens

Make sure that they say things about being vampires

Change you screen name to say Mike Newton

Type "YOU ARE VAMPIRES!!! CALL THE COPS!!! CALL CHARLIE!!! CALL THE NEWS CHANNEL!!! CALL THE POPE!!! GET SOME HOLY WATER!!! WHERE CAN I GET A WOODEN STAKE!!! MAY TH E LORD HELP US!!! WHERE CAN I FIND HOLLOW GROUND!!! WHY AM I STILL TYPING!!!RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!"

Then tell him the truth before he kills poor Mike.

Leave the country and hide in Volterra so that he can't kill you.

PS - I am not responsible for any gruesome deaths or bodily harm. Follow the list at your own risk.

And………..

REVIEW!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!

REVIEW!!!!!


End file.
